Let’s talk about fear

Recently I asked a client, the CEO of a big company which is about to go through a period of transition – what do you fear? Nothing – he responded. Then I asked a director leading a team of actors. Nothing – was the answer. Then the same question is thrown at me by my dear friend, when discussing my career development. Nothing, I said. Oh, how lame it is!

Fear is something we don’t even like to talk about… We know that feeling in the stomach, the short breath, the enlarged pupils, the tight throat. The difficulty to act, or even think. We may feel paralyzed. Fear leads us to hold back from life. We are afraid of shame, of what other people may think of us, of what they say about us or the way they will treat us. We generally become tense and small. We are afraid of taking a risk, since we may not win, may not get what we want, may lose, may not manage – and we may be rejected…. And it is all true. We will be rejected, we will lose, they will talk about us (whoever “they” are), and we will fail. This is certain. Isn’t it our ego that tells us how we want to be seen, and what our social and public face is? Isn’t it our ego that creates our fear? You will never free yourself from fear. It will always come. So? You must learn to tame it.

Remind yourself what your real purpose in life is – You will first need to leave your comfort zone – that state of mind where things are in order, life is good and predictable, you know most of the answers, and – hopefully – you’re getting bored. The moment you step out of it, you will look into the eyes of fear or anxiety. Sorry – there’s probably no other way out…. And your Saboteur is waiting for you right at the door; his weapon of choice is to flood you with fear. And yet - 'A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are for” (William Shedd) If you know your true purpose in life, this is the place where you conquer your fear. Step into your purpose, embrace it, feel it. The reverse side of fear is passion – vibrant, colourful, fresh, and alluring – though you may have to brush the dust off it at first.

Identify your subconscious concern – There is always one, or more. Name them. State them out loud, and see how this gives you power. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of rejection, losing financial stability, losing a partner, a job, a position….Yes, you are. You may choose to accept that you will fail – not once, but perhaps many times! And it is here that there is a paradox – you learn your lesson only when you fail. So, celebrate failing beautifully. What do you discover about yourself when you discover all your worries?

Give yourself full permission to act – Wow! That sounds like something big! How many times in your life have you felt as though there were a rocket engine inside you? You must remember that feeling very well. Your whole body was hot, you felt unstoppable, you knew this was IT. And you knew the place, time, and goal all were right. Why not feel it again? Why not lead yourself, your family, your company with full permission? And if you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will eat you.

So why were we talking about fear…?