Does the leader have to be nice?

15/04/2021

If we follow someone, is that because they are nice and try to be liked and accepted at all costs? Each of us needs acceptance, love, recognition, but if pleasing others becomes the basis of our sense of security, the basis of our self-esteem, it begins to manage us - and then we can become slaves of this situation.

A leader is rather expected to be ready to make unpopular or difficult decisions, especially when there is a crisis or the situation requires it. And it would hardly be proof of their strength if they worried that others had stopped liking them for it. A leader who is addicted to being liked will have trouble with constructive feedback and even with achieving goals. The trap then will be to make sure that everyone likes me and to seek safety and self-esteem in being accepted.

Such a need may also result in other behaviors that make a leader ineffective:

- high sensitivity to criticism,
- getting support by doing small favors,
- failure to respond to errors,
- not solving problems due to fear of conflict,
- limiting one's own assertiveness in situations where it is needed.

And the effect are:

- reduced accountability on the part of the employee,
- lack of employee motivation and commitment,
- postponing our decisions,
- not taking the floor on important matters,
- frustration.

I hear at many workshops that the  "tougher" the corporation, the more managers are required to be nice to everyone, try to satisfy employees and to act as expected. And that is, of course, a trap.

I invite you to check, through The Leadership Circle Profile™ survey at Diagnostics and Coaching, how your leadership is perceived by your subordinates / colleagues and how you perceive yourself as a leader. Do you try to please others?