The imperfect leader - distance (1)

30/03/2021

Leaders are imperfect human beings. They make mistakes, fail, have their own habits and weaknesses. Expecting ourselves to be perfect can greatly weaken our impact on others, and thus the effectiveness of our leadership. Why? We are most effective in action and in communicating our opinion when we are authentic and internally integrated with our values. This is when we arouse curiosity and interest. This is how we attract others - both in leadership and in everyday life.

In a series of texts about the imperfections of a leader, I will deal with how to accept, understand, and maybe even manage them. I start with distance, an advantage of which may be a better, more objective point of view that results from a lack of engagement and deeper reflection. However, distance may limit our influence on others.

We distance ourselves from others or the world, not always consciously. Usually it is our protective shield behind which we feel safe. There can be many reasons; here I will refer to the two most that are most often present.

First, we may feel safer when we avoid involvement or risk. Sometimes it is accompanied by a fear of being criticized, and the belief that maybe we are not good enough or interesting enough at what we do. It can also be the fear of being underestimated and even ridiculed for who we really are.  It is, of course, combined with the need to be perfect in every way - another imperfection. At this point it seems safer to withdraw from the world. We can refrain from acting, assume an observer's position, avoid responsibility and delay life and work activities and decisions, to name a few. We give up our energy - usually out of a sense of inner threat - and even shut it away, as if in a box. It feels safer to stay in the shadows than to lean out into the world.

The second reason can be the complete opposite - we feel we are better than others, and this is how we manifest our superiority, greatness and self-worth. We will not get emotionally involved in relationships, perhaps we will even become inaccessible and cold; we will show a lack of interest, and even develop a lack of interest in others. We can even go so far as to not allow anything to touch us, hurt us, or upset us, but also ..... to make us very happy. We will assume positions above others, removed and far away, so that nothing that happens around us touches us or ignites our emotions. Such a distancing approach consists in withdrawing from the emotional zone, blocking both positive and negative emotions, because experiencing one or the other seems too costly. By protecting overselves from emotions, we are flatten our feelings, which may limit our energy, vitality, and the power of experiencing. We build our self-esteem through withdrawal or even indifference.
 
Leadership is a choice: we can choose distance, or we can consciously change it.  Emotional distance from employees, as well as colleagues, will result in their distrust of us. A person whom we do not know will not inspire our trust. How can we then talk about effective cooperation? We will live remotely, not knowing our employees well; neither will they know us. It will be difficult for us to engage or motivate them. People need a bond, a connection, and in the time of Covid, when the sense of security has been badly shaken, they need that bond even more. This does not mean that keeping a distance will prevent us from being an "effective manager" who "delivers" results and completes the tasks.  It may even seem easier. However, it is unlikely that people will follow us willingly, that they will do all they can and allow the company access to their full potential. They will probably only do as much as it takes to satisfy the boss' work expectations, i.e., they will join the ranks of "those who only come to work". On the other hand, studies show that a good trust-based relationship with the manager can increase the employee's commitment by as much as 45%. If you are a leader, you cannot ignore this figure.

How can you work on reducing your own distance? I will write about this in the second part, distance (2).