The imperfect leader - distance (2)
11/04/2021
We keep our distance, guard, shield, armor. Thus, we do not allow ourselves and the world to look inside us, because we fear misunderstanding, criticism, underestimation, as well as closeness, rejection, commitment - including emotional commitment. We may be avoiding responsibility or change - the reasons may vary. Maybe we do not know a different way of being, or it makes us feel safe. This is probably supposed to serve us, but at the same time it limits us. If we want to reduce our distance and stop protecting, we will have to find the strength to be our true self, instead of wasting energy not revealing who we are or what we truly need.
We can also postpone decisions and taking action. We can have impossibly high expectations of ourselves and others, and a paralyzing fear of being found to be imperfect, not good enough, and NOT ENOUGH at all. Maybe we are even under strong, relentless pressure from ourselves.
If there comes a moment when we feel that it is not serving us, that it limits us personally and our leadership, perhaps we want to take care of it, take off that heavy armor or mask, untie the burden that we are dragging behind us. First, however, you must give yourself the right to be imperfect.
This can be difficult, even very much so, but in the end it is liberating.
What will accompany us? Anxiety. We fear instability, loss of our independence, and a revealing of our weaknesses. The latter often seems completely unnecessary to us, because the leader is supposed to be strong, stable and strong. Yes - with strength of character - but not strong in masking himself or pretending. Paradoxically, revealing oneself, showing a human face, admitting failures makes a leader stronger, because it gives others permission to be true and open. In everyday life, others will hide their weaknesses, shortcomings, failures and mistakes from the ideal leader. Children will hide the same from the ideal parent, and it will certainly be a source of great stress for them. Is it possible to lead without knowing the reality that we do not want to see, or when others are diligently trying to distort it in front of us?
How to deal with distance?
The first and very important step will be to enable self-observation:
- which situations cause my distance, what is a threat to me and how do I behave,
- if I keep my distance - what I lose for myself, others in relation to me and our relationship,
- what I feel, what I would like to say, what I actually say and why,
- what I want to do and what I actually do,
- what kind of security do I get from keeping my distance,
- what is it good for, and why not at all,
- what energy does distancing take away from me, and what energy does it bring to me?
This is for starters, although it might be tough.
This topic is the subject of my Transformational leadership - from EGO to ECO and Conscious Leadership workshop, as well as Diagnostics and coaching.
